my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Is it because I queefed?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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