all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
