I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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