I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
