I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
