At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I stole a fireplace last night.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize