in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
