He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
