oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I didn't notice because vodka
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
