..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
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