I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i love accidental penises.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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