Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
