Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Pants are for mortals
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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