dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
