i'm signing you up for texting rehab
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize