I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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