Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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