Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
