In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
