You're my little dorito
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
