i can't believe i had my finger in that
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
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