I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
