I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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