Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
