I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
