well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
