Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
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