Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize