i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I love having hate sex.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Let's get the cat blown out
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
