I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
