you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
