Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
