I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
