Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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