I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
