Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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