I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
