How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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