I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
