He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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