Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You're a waste of cheezeits
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize