Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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