Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
