Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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