My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize