Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Houston, we have a blender
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
