I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
