Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize