She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You're like the curious george of whores
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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