yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
