connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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