I swear god or herbie drove my car home
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
