my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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