you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
