Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
