oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
im holly from the hills drunk
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
