I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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