i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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