well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
