OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
