no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I pour the whiskey from now on
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
