Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
All I want is dick and wine.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize