oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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