how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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