We won't sleep together?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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