Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
