What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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