Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
