The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
