She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
